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We have been together since she was 19 and I was 20, we have the deepest connection I have ever felt with any other human. In the last few years she has gained nearly 100lbs and also developed a number of open skin lesions and scarring from excessive itching all over her chest and backside – at first this didn’t really matter to me but it has now gotten to a point where I love her and can find her face the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on but when our clothes come off, I can’t stay turned on and can disengage mentally from sex or close my eyes to enjoy it more. I feel awful about this and I have been hiding it by faking enjoying sex sometimes and just not bringing it up.
I fucked up in a time I got really emotional and was crying and she kept pressing me on what the issue was and I kept mentioning it was things I push away mentally (which I do very often and is something I’m in therapy for) but then she pressed me on an example and I was emotional and this was the only one I could think of as I was crying and I feel horrible to have let her know this. I have no idea what to do now to repair her self esteem and our relationship so looking for advice. Also looking for advice on how I can make myself care less about her body or help her to get healthier (I’m also worried about my life partner being obese and the accompanying health issues). This is not the first time I have brought up her weight in a health context but this is the first time I’ve communicated how much it is affecting me in the bedroom.
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