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My bf (24m) of 3 years and I (22f) recently moved in together. We’ve always had a very healthy sex life- about 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. When we moved in together, I expected the spike up in frequency before going more steady as we would be around eachother more often and naturally that frequency would change.
However, it’s declined much more than just that compared to our usual, and not only is he initiating less, but he lets down my advances too. The past few weeks I’ve been trying to initiate more, only to be let down or not pursued, which leaves me feeling frustrated and also undesirable- especially because I’ll often try to set a mood, look forward to it that day, and go through extra steps to do so. Last night I went to an adult store after work, got new lingerie, a massage oil candle, etc, got home and started touching him and kissing him and asked if he wanted a massage so I could give him one and reveal my new outfit- only for him to say no and continue playing his game.
I found prescription ED medicine in the bathroom this past weekend, so I know that is playing into it- but he hasn’t said a word to me about it. I don’t know how to bring this up without embarrassing him- I know this is a normal thing and I don’t judge him for it, but also his recent relapse back into smoking and some stress and other things also affect it. He has a hard time communicating anything emotional and opening up, so I struggle to get him to talk about these things, and I don’t want to shame him for these habits that could be effecting his drive, but I also don’t want to keep ignoring them and continue to be frustrated.
If we just won’t be having sex as often while he works through this it’s fine, I just wish he would talk to me. I don’t masturbate often in order to enjoy sex more with him, so now I’m getting more sexually frustrated because I’m denying myself and being denied by him. How do I bring this up without being confrontational or embarrassing him?
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