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My (19F) boyfriend (19M) and I have been dating for almost two years. He was a year ahead of me in high school, and we have stayed together as college has begun. My boyfriend had one long term gf before me and and they lost their virginities to one another. However, he was my first.
For months, we would have sex pretty much every time that I went over to his house. I enjoyed this. We would even sometimes have sex in the car or other places, etc. He has pretty much always struggled to finish when we have sex. We have tried a lot of things to help with this as we are very open communicators but he still struggles to even stay hard. We think stress and anxiety are main factors for this, so I feel guilty feeling unsatisfied with our sex life (we have had discussions where I have told him I am not fully satisfied). For the past year of our relationship, it feels like we just go further and further in between when we have sex. I mean probably every two weeks, and I will usually initiate it. He rarely wants to be on top and it just turns into us going for maybe 5 minutes and then he will say he is paranoid about the sounds of his bed squeaking (he lives with his dad) or he is tired. I am feeling so insecure about myself as a result of this. My bf is very honest and trustworthy. He tells me he does not watch porn, very rarely masturbates, and there is no way he could be cheating on me, but his sexual behavior makes me question everything. I have broken down and cried in front of him asking him if I am not attractive enough or something and he always assures me that that is not the case, but come on. If your bf hardly ever wants to touch you, make out, flirt, etc, it really starts to take a toll on your confidence. Plus the fact that I just want to have good sex. I have found myself becoming overly jealous, more sad, and insecure, which are unusual traits for me.
We have talked about moving in together next year but now I am starting to question if he is actually into me or just loves having a partner. Yes, he shows love in a TON of different ways and is an amazing bf but I guess touch is a bigger part of my love language than I thought. I feel like I’m losing some of my connection with him over this issue and some parts of myself. I know we are a very strong couple in so many other areas and we love each other so much, but I just don’t even know what to think.
Please keep in mind with any responses that he has had a tough childhood, an unusual power dynamic in his previous sexual relationship, and has anxiety. Am I being too harsh on him? I know he’s been through a lot but this is effecting me too.
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