Boyfriend [23M] wants to have sex late at night, but I [22F] get tired very early. I only tend to be horny in the early evening. This leads to little sex. How can we resolve this?

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Basically, my boyfriend and I have pretty similar sex drives, although his is slightly higher than mine. That being said, my boyfriend works weird hours and is self employed, while I am a full-time student and study pretty hard. I don’t tend to be horny in the mornings, and he normally has to get up and leave for work straight away, so morning sex isn’t a thing for us.

I get tired pretty quickly once it hits about 8pm, and in my natural state, I am showered and in bed by 10pm. However, my boyfriend’s schedule means that we are often eating dinner at 9pm, and this means sexy time doesn’t even begin to be initiated until maybe 11 or midnight on a work night.

I’m normally totally exhausted by this time, but my boyfriend’s ADHD lets him stay super alert even when he’s been up since the early morning.

I’ve tried to explain that I obviously understand that we can’t always have sex at 5 or 6 in the evening when he is literally away at work. But he often works from home also. When I try to say that he can leave his work alone for half an hour so we can bang, he says that sex is a nighttime thing, and work is for the evening.

This is making our sex life less frequent, because by the time he initiates, I am either too tired to have sex at all, or I can do it but I’m not emotionally invested or turned on, because I’m too sleepy and just want to go to bed.

It also leads to annoying little issues like having to shower my sweaty self and blow dry my hair at past midnight, or get up extra early to avoid looking gross for work – which isn’t a big deal in theory, but it’s annoying in the long run and could be avoided by not having sex so late at night. I just generally feel in worse health because I am getting less sleep to accommodate his strange work schedule, because if I didn’t accommodate it, we would rarely be intimate at all. Obviously, this also leads me to be less horny overall.

How can we resolve this issue so we can have more sex, and sex where both of us are actually present?

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