Does missing feelings of Intimacy and Love justified?


I am 34M from India. Educated and IT professional working in a MNC. I have serious trust issues due to which I have been avoiding Arrange Marriage. I did meet few girls for the arrange marriage due to peer pressure. Most of the did not work and mostly were be like housewife type only (with all due respect).
I ddnt find anyone of them satisfactory.
I have a friend 34F, we met on a dating app and have been talking for 4 years now. We know each other, our habits,moods, thoughts very well and very much enjoy each other’s company.
Since she had same experiences in looking for arrange marriage,just like mine. I was thinking of asking her for marriage. Atleast to spend my life with someone I know and trust and enjoy the company with.

Problem is, I dont have The feelings of Love and Intimacy towards her.
I tried but i always liked her as friend and unable to get feelings more than that.
We had sex thrice, and she was the one initiating everytime.
I just dont feel turned on when around her.

I know I am ok because I still get turned on just by the thought of one girl i met and was intimate with, years ago.

She does have feeling for me and feel turned on by me when in such situations.
She knows my thoughts that I dont have the feeling of love for her and I like and trust her as a friend.
I have not told her about my intimacy issue as it might hurt her badly

I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. Am I being selfish here to ask her for marriage and not giving her love and Intimacy that she deserves in a married relationship.

My parents are agianst the marriage for many other stupid reasons like age, caste and complexion.

Feel free to comment and suggest what should I do?
Thank you.

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