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So my girlfriend (f) and I (m) have been talking about group sex lately, and the experience of starting to organize it is sort of leaving me with a feeling I can’t walk away from.
For me, the main hurdle is just how she feels around doing a FFM with me. She’s been in dozens of these situations in the past, but to her description, none of them were sober, and all of them were with either the wrong partner or had trauma attached to it in some shape or form. By wrong partner, I really mean dating someone who cheated on her constantly, etc. So obviously now, after her having these experiences, frames any version of non monogamy into a really bad experience.
So, now I’m sort of in this mental place. We both want to experiment together, but because of my value to her, and her past experiences, she’s a lot more hesitant to want to experiment with me. We used to be open, but due to her reactions, I had to stop dating all together. I can’t even imagine how a FFM would look if it was happening right in front of her. I feel for what she is feeling, but at the same time I feel like I wanna die inside because I know she would be a lot more open to it if I was a fwb, or tinder hookup. I struggle constantly with knowing she’s had threesomes with her other female friends with previous boyfriends, yet with me, it sort of feels like this giant upward fight.
I wanna give her my understanding, but at the end of the day I feel like such a heel. I keep wrestling with this feeling that I’m giving her a lot more than her previous boyfriends, yet I’m getting a lot less (her previous boyfriends were in open status) and expected to handle a lot more. I love this woman to pieces, and she’s told me this would happen someday, but her attitude towards it, her hesitance.. it all makes me feel icky. All of this makes me wanna run for the hills, because none of this feels natural.
Has anyone ever felt this way or been in this situation before?
EDIT: Hey everyone. Want to make it clear this question is not a “How do I get her into a threesome” question, but more of a “how do I stay in this relationship while working through these feelings” question. The answer “get over it” really doesn’t help.
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