Frustrated with the dynamics of sex as a man

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Hi all,

This is as much an ask for advice as a rant.

I feel like sex with my gf, and honestly this has been my experience with the overwhelming majority of women I dated/had regular sex with, is very one-sided. I’m talking about the physical and mental effort that both both parties put into the sexual part of the relationship and the pleasure they get in return.

I’m a pleaser, I thoroughly enjoy getting my partners off but rarely do they seem to return the same energy. An overwhelming majority of the time they are more of a willing participant, who is along for the ride, instead of an active participant. I have to set the mood, make sure that she is not stressed etc. I have to initiate an overwhelming majority of the time. I have to do most of the foreplay. I do most of the physical work and what I get in return is usually very lacklustre. I love doing foreplay but the one-sidedness sometimes makes me resent it. I feel like I’m a hired sex worker sometimes.

All of the women I had sex with had orgasms that honestly make me jealous. Not just one, multiple and for hours on end if they let me. Literal brain-melting experiences (their words, not mine). As a guy, I’m trying my hardest to last as long as possible and the orgasm isn’t even all that great. I cum pretty quickly but I can go multiple rounds. The first round easily feels the best arousal and orgasm wise but it is over so quickly that I can barely enjoy it. After I bust my arousal sinks a lot, often I can’t cum during the second round and I barely feel anything.

It feels like I got the short end of the stick. Am I doing something wrong? Is this just the way things are?

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