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When I (29f) met him (31m) 7 years ago, he struggled with porn addiction but nothing unmanageable and had a history of frequent meet-ups with sex workers. He became sexually active later in life (24) and enjoyed around 20 women (mostly sex workers) in the span of 1 year before he met me at 25.
He’s a fantastic husband, helped me through my sexual trauma, supported all of my dreams and provided for me all these years so I could work pro bono on things that I care about (activism and helping victims of abuse).
The only thing that gave me bad vibes throughout our marriage is his unwillingness to let go of the idea of a threesome even though I told him I was not interested in it and when he brings that up, it’s hurtful for me. He never pressured me or anything but just kept bringing it up over and over, even after I cried about it.
We were supposed to move out of our country next weekend, and he told me yesterday night that he went to some place and got a tantric massage, which included bathing him by two women, massaging him while three of them are naked and masturbation on him.
We had been talking about this kind of massage before, and I strictly told him that I consider it cheating, and if he would ever want to do that, we should talk with our sex therapist about it first. We have never done anything sexual with anyone else during our marriage. We’re extremely good at communicating and have talked through million different scenarios, and he always promised he would never do anything without my consent.
He spent the first 4 hours of our conversation gaslighting me into thinking that it wasn’t sex and that he had the right to explore his own sexuality. And he basically did it for therapeutic reasons and for my own good because he can be pushy when it comes to sex as he has higher libido. Since then he’s constantly apologizing, but I feel like he is only sorry that I’m that hurt not for cheating per se.
I’m sorry for the bad English, but I haven’t slept in 24h. I’m crushed, don’t know what to do and just wanna die. I feel like I don’t know this person.
What next?
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