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As the title says, my husband doesn’t always “finish” sometimes I can feel him losing his erection. We have been together for 3 years. This has happened since the beginning but he would make excuses for it “my balls hurt, not feeling good, etc.” – then he stopped watching porn and masturbating and it improved. I know 100% he’s not masturbating, but this still happens from time to time.
It also doesn’t help that I have body dysmorphia and bulimia so I take the fact that he doesn’t come as me being unattractive or not being tight enough. Today we were having sex and he was hard as a rock. We started doing doggy and he started to go soft in me and said he wouldn’t be able to finish. I have gotten really upset at him and made it all about me being unattractive in the past that it’s created this toxic pressure. I know I’m objectively attractive- I’m thin (5’7 and 120) with big boobs and a pretty face. Not to be cocky, but I get hit on a lot. Then there’s this part of me that just feels hideous or that I have a broken vagina.
Today when he went soft I hugged him and reassured him I didn’t mind if he didn’t finish and I just love having sex. We are on our honey moon right now. We got married on 10/28 so it’s been stressful and I’m trying to change making it all about me to make him feel safe. Do you think this will help? For reference here is our sex life this month in October (the not finishing was particularly bad this month – almost 50% but also noteworthy we fought a lot this month and we’re extremely stressed with planning a giant wedding on 10/28)
Didn’t finish
10/1
10/6
10/14
10/30
10/31
Finished
10/12
10/19
10/23
10/25
10/28
10/29
We just got married a few days ago and haven’t lived together either. This will be our first time living in the same house. We are used to seeing each other 4-5 times a week but having to sneak around to have sex. I wonder if this problem will improve by just living together? He said he feels pressure because of my reaction to him not cumming. He also said that it could be from masturbating in the past but he hasn’t done it that much.
Either way, it just kind of sucks and I don’t know what to do. When he starts to go soft in me I just feel awful and like the grossest fattest ugliest person in the world.
What should we do?
Also he is only 26 and I am 29.
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