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I met my ex when we were in college. I was attracted to him and wanted something to happen. He was unable to perform the first time but I didn’t mind and we cuddled and slept. Shortly after that he fell in love with me and it got serious. He was the biggest walking green flag for me and he was obsessed with me which made me feel happier than I’d ever been. I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship at first because of my past traumatic relationship but I’m a people pleaser so I went on with it. I moved to different city with him and slowly fell in love with him deeply when we were living together. After that we both moved to a whole other continent for our higher studies and started living in a 1 bed apartment. That’s when we started having fights. The more I got attached to him the more I got emotional and the farther her grew apart. Then he lost his sex drive. We didn’t have sex for months and I thought it was a phase but then realized it wasn’t.
He never even wanted to even touch me. After waiting and trying to save the relationship as much as I could with the lack of intimacy and emotional availability I gave up and ended the relationship but still there is this hope inside me that is undying that he will come back to me and love me the way he used to.
We still live together in a 2 bed now because I don’t have anyone else I know or trust well enough to live with. Recently he got a job while I’m struggling to make ends meet. I was jealous because he had 2 companies fighting over him and I couldn’t even get 1 decent job. Even when he talks to another girl nicely I get jealous. I know he’s free to do whatever and I have tried everything to move on, like going out with another person, I am just not able to accept that it has ended. I still hope for it to get better and for him to love me again.
I just keep wondering what I have done wrong to deserve these bad things when he is able to get whatever he wanted to achieve by this point in life.
How do I get over this?
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