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TLDR: Bf is into hotwifing. I’m not. He feels frustrated mentally/sexually as he no longer gets off to porn, my nudes, or vanilla sex but I feel uncomfortable sleeping around just to satisfy his fantasies. It’s harming our relationship.
My bf recently discovered this kink/fetish in which he gets extremely turned on by having fantasies of me screwing other people. We think it might be hotwifing.
I’m asexual and have very low libido. I have made out a few times with but never went all the way (before him), and my stories are boring him out. I can’t make things up because he knows I’m lying and that gives him zero satisfaction. He wants me to go meet people to describe the hookups to him during sex/masturbation.
I strongly dislike the idea. I am pretty open-minded but this goes against my moral values. Plus my past traumas.
We’ve discussed and he agreed not to push me anymore. Great! Except once he gets horny, no logic retains. He becomes arrogant, demanding, self-centered. He has snapped at me on several occasions for not being a whore. He explicitly said I just cannot satisfy him, he wished I haven’t been such a good girl.
I feel like parts of me are being chewed away.
I admit I gave him the wrong ideas. When we first started, I was swept by his hypersexuality and had lots of sex, only to withdraw from these activities later on. I failed to guard my boundaries and gave in to his beggings many times.
Porn doesn’t excite him anymore. My lewd pics and vids no longer work. I have to be there, narrating the stuff as he imagines the scenario while wanking off to it. Again, he has way higher drives than me, so I’m usually not in the mood and being a people pleaser, his persistent requests send me into survival mode every time.
He pushed me so much that I forced myself to be interested in the hotwife lifestyle. I told him, then instantly regretted. If I really pursue this lifestyle just for him, I would be completely broken. I would lose myself, my sense of self-worth. I’ve struggled with suicide ideation and I do NOT want to go back.
We love each other and want to improve our relationship. What can we do to help this situation?
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