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I can’t seem to get over the anxiety of actually having sex and it’s causing me so much mental anguish because it stops me from pursuing any relationships. I’m still a virgin but my first (and last) short relationship was great until we tried to have sex. We did everything except PIV because I couldn’t stay hard when we tried 3 different times. It was total performance anxiety because I was rock hard literally every other time we would touch lol. She was so sweet about it even though I could tell she was kind of disappointed. She ended up leaving the country shortly after for a long term work placement, but I felt so awful about leaving it like that. I ordered viagara after that because it was so humiliating but I never got a chance to use it.
Maybe worth mentioning I also never came with her despite all the other things we would do besides sex, I didn’t even come close which also seemed strange. I don’t jerk off very much (more lately, but at the time very little) but I guess it was just such a new experience being with someone, it’s like I couldn’t just relax.
So now after a mentally low 6 months, I am back to feeling pretty confident about everything but sex. Even right now I’m talking to a girl who wants to keep things casual but I’m completely second guessing myself since I feel like I won’t be able to perform well. She is pretty forthcoming with what she likes and clearly is far more experienced than me, and while I didn’t talk myself up too much, I still made it seem like I know what I’m doing which I guess I just don’t. It probably doesn’t help as well that she said I come off as a confident, dominant guy, which is not really me at all, I am super gentle and passive.
I’m thinking about breaking it off because the anxiety is just too much, but I also feel like the only way over it is through, like even though it freaks me out I need experience to get over this. So then I feel like I’m missing an opportunity to face my fear and move forward. Since we’re on the same page I guess the worst thing that happens is I disappoint her lol, but it’s just so daunting to me.
Any advice on how to get over this is appreciated because I’m at a loss in this war with my mind. Do I continue trying casual hookups, or do I seek a relationship and take it slower? I’m just a basketcase when it comes to all of this right now.
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