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English is not my native language but I tried my best. 🙂
tl;dr: title
My bf and I got together ~ 2,5 years ago and everything besides the sex is great so far.
He’s nice, he’s sweet, he treats me like a goddess and he’s such a beautiful human being – inside and out.
We don’t live together and “only” see each other about one to two nights a week, so we don’t have a daily routine and the relationship feels “fresh”.
I’m very much in love with him.
The thing is, that I don’t find the sex satisfying. Well, neither satisfying, nor fulfilling.
It’s something that feels like a duty. I know this from relationships or affairs I hade in the past, where this appeared after about 9 months into the relationship.
I’m not horny very often and therefore I don’t necessarily want to have sex. I masturbate because I like the feeling of an orgasm but it’s suuuuper rare that I masturbate because I’m aroused.
When it comes to sex it’s similar. I barely have a feeling of “I want you now and here!” and when my bf, Daniel, says that he’s horny and wants to fuck me it’s a feeling I can’t relate to because it’s something I don’t experience often.
When we do have sex, it feels, like I said in the beginning, like something that needs to be done in a relationship.
Sometimes I initiate and I think “yes, let’s do this, this time it’s going to be just fine”.
And I really believe what I’m thinking. When I watch porn or imagine the sex with him (when we are not together at this very moment) it’s mostly something that seems so beautiful and I have the wish to “make love to him”. But sometimes the imagination disgusts me.
So when we are at it, I don’t really get aroused and therefore I don’t really get wet, so I spit on my fingers and put it on my pussy, so that he can penetrate me.
He does perform oral but it doesn’t feel tooooooo good. It’s okay, but it’s not something that I ask for very often because it’s just not satisfying. (I had an orgasm twice in the last two and a half years.)
We have sex and at some point I think “just finish already, I want to do [whatever].”
When he cums I feel bad most of the time. Its the same feeling I experienced everytime I had heartsickness (hope this is the right word).
I don’t want to go/drive away but I want to be somewhere else and alone. I feel dirty, disgusting and disgusted. I don’t want to touch him, nor do I want him to touch me.
I feel a kind of tingle in my hands and that’s the thing I felt everytime my heart was broken (to say it theatric).
But at the same time it kind of turns me on and that disgusts me even more.
That makes me act distant and cold.
The sex is not satisfying or fulfilling. I do masturbate while we have sex but most of the time the orgasm is so far away that it feels like there’s no way to achieve it.
When we masturbate together it’s only sometimes that I can cum and when it happens, it’s like “yeah, whatever, wasted time” because it’s so fucking unsatisfying!
When I have sex with myself on my own, it feels pretty good most of the time.
Ofc my bf is very sad, even more because (he told me a few times) he’s never had sex so fulfilling before he met me. He has a fetish we explore together and it’s kind of fun, so I believe him when he says that.
We are at a point now where we both barely initiate sex – I don’t because I’m not in the mood and he doesn’t because he doesn’t want me to feel bad. It’s a cul-de-sack.
I told Daniel that I want him to touch me more often but I do understand that he’s super insecure at this point.
Sometimes he does touch me and I like it, but it doesn’t really turn me on and I kind of go along with it because I don’t want him to feel even worse about sex and I also don’t want him to not feel desirable, because from a rational point of view he is totally desirable.
I had a sexual-therapy that helped me to get rid of other destructive feelings (like shame), but everything else is still there it seems.
And I don’t know what to do anymore bc it the story repeats itself. As I said before, the sex starts to be like this after about 9 months.
Does anybody have similar experiences or ideas on what I could do?
Have a nice day, everybody!
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