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My partner is bi(F) I’m straight(M).
My partner on certain occasions has always communicated she was open to experimenting with other groups. I was open to it with females. With men I understood although I find men attractive I’m not attracted to men in a physical sense so I never cared to introduce a guy into the mix.
Last year we had a 3 way, just oral for me with the other girl, and intimacy with my partner. It was her idea to bring the girl, it was her friend, and even so after the fact it was a constant bicker for a few months because she felt I had a deeper attraction for her friend, even though that was the one and only time I ever interacted with her.
The next and only other occasion we need a group thing was an orgy. We met a gay man (we’ll call him “Dee”) and a pansexual woman ( she can be Sept) who hit it us with us at the bar who was interested in trying something with us.
I agreed to the man give me oral, and the girls to do what they want. I never cared to experiment like this, but I figured at least in this way I could give her a bit of that guy in the bedroom experience she’s been curious about.
Dee has a friend with us (his name can be andy) that night and invites him to the mix for the other female there. I’m already turned off by this, I tell my partner, let’s keep to our plan
No penetration
All four of us. Let the other guy Andy just enjoy Dee and Sept.
My partner can mess with dee and Sept too.
I made it very clear I wasn’t comfortable with Andy, I asked to just mess around with Dee because I felt safer with that. She insisted it wouldn’t be a fun experience with someone who wasn’t actually attracted to her, I was very drunk at this point and didn’t want to disappoint so I told her to just be mindful and to not do anything.
Long story short while Dee was giving me oral, my partner was making out with Andy and stroking him off while Sept was eating her out. I tried letting it rock and then he left a bruise from sucking her tits.
To help my mind make neutral I tried fooling around with Sept, but she made it very clear she wasn’t there for me.
I pulled my partner away and told her to focus on me, but by that point I hated where I was, what I was doing and what I saw my partner do in front of me.
I spoke my discomfort and Dee stopped everything since it was his house. He was really nice about it. My partner was upset I stopped it all so suddenly.
I feel a lot of resentment because I felt like my partner didn’t care about me and even went as far to kinda betray my trust. I hated that a stranger had compassion for my state of mind than my own partner. I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset or put blame because I did initially agree to all this. And when I talk to my partner she says she understands but also that I’m an adult who agreed this and she didn’t think she needed to hold my hand through the process. When I talk about this with her I don’t feel supported, or that I have a valid reason to be hurt.
She assures me she’s only attracted to me and felt comfortable experimenting and doing those things because she felt safe I was there. During it she had no idea I felt so awful. However we’re talking about things after the fact and I don’t feel a great sense of remorse or concern if she did something wrong.
She swears she never would use her body to hurt me. I can cut corners and say it didn’t happen for a long time, but I hate that it happened all the same, and I feel like she’s not handling this the way I need her to.
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