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Me and my fiance are together for 8 years. We are planning wedding next year. He was my first sexual partner. For him i was second.
For 5 years he was the one initiating sex, always horny and ready. My sex drive was kind of low, there were times we had sex once in a month. He masturbated almost every day.
Two years ago he proposed to me. And a bit before that i started to see that it looks like he’s not as sexually active as he was. I started to initiate sex cause after a lot of years he didn’t. Like at all, for a month or 3 weeks.
It escalated to last year me almost begging him for something almost every day. I was frustrated and i guess my libido is still growing every year. I could have sex every day.
After a while i got insecure, like i’m not sexy, not pretty enough. For years i’ve been insecure in general and in the last 3years i was building myself and getting confident. I’m telling myself that i’m good enough, pretty, sexy… and after feeling not wanted i again started to feel worse.
We talked about it, i cried. I told him everything how i feel. He held me and told me that he is just in general not horny a lot. Like he is now working a lot and has sport practices. At first (1 year ago) i “caught” him masturbating late at night while i was supposed to be sleeping. Prior to 3 hours ago i asked if he wanted to have sex and he said no. Now it looks like he rarely masturbates.
After our last talk and in general for about 4 months we have sex once a week. Sometimes he is not hard enough all the time, at first 5 minutes ok and later like off and on. He sometimes has a hard time to finish. For me it takes aprox. 4 min or even less. I’m so low maintenance in bed, that i can orgasm in 1 min. Or he just know’s how to do things? When i masturbate (and now it’s a lot, like twice a day and it takes me 2-3 min) it’s not enough, no physical contact of that sort kinda makes me frustrated and a bit angry at him (i know it’s irrational but it’s how i feel).
Also the most hurt i felt was for empty promises. Like i’m asking every day and trying initiate sex and he says – ok, tommorow. Tommorow comes and nothing… He forgets or goes somewhere and comes back tired. And then after some time i felt humiliated. Like asking for it was not something i just easily did. It became my anxious question. Now whenever i want to initiate i fight with myself because rejection became my constant fear. I’m no longer asking, i’m waiting every week or two weeks to feel like he might already want something and when i ask my heart always goes wild.
I bought sex toys. I use them, we use them while having sex. In general sometimes my vibrator feels like my sexual partner more than my fiance.
And those thoughts sometimes get me to a place where i think that it would be nice to know how it would be with another partner since he was my first. I know i’m not that bad i’m a lot on top riding him, i’m trying to please him, i loooove giving blowjobs, he doesn’t need to give me orals because i don’t enjoy them as much, i barely need foreplay (max 5 min). So am i doing not enough? What else can i do?
Sometimes he just helps me to get off when he doesn’t want to have sex. There were a few times he didn’t finish at all after 45 min. He was soft and couldn’t get it up to a hard state. I felt horrible like i wasn’t doing something right. He said he was just tired after a big start and it got soft after perfect start.
I could say it got better now. Last time i orgasmed 2 times and he finished easily after 2 weeks without sex. He tells me now that he rarely masturbates and for him it feels like sex is not really a must those days. He’s not as horny as he used to be and it’s not my fault.
As for me i’m coping by reading erotic novels… but it makes me long for something i won’t have…
Sometimes i think if it goes on i might not even want to marry him. Also i want to marry him because he’s amazing person and i might just be a princess who got in her head. All in all my libido eventually should lower.
How can i get my heart out of those pathetic feelings? How do i cope? Is he lying and the real problem is me? What do i do to lessen my libido that’s already over the clouds.
Can someone give me advice, guys maybe your point of view might help. It looks like i wrote an essay, sorry 😀
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