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I (27F) have been with my bf (28M) for about a six months now. Lately we’ve had discussions about our sex life and he bluntly told me that he expected me to act differently in the bedroom.
For some context, in terms of personality I tend to be reserved and quiet. I have no issues befriending girls but for whatever reason guys see my personality as ‘intimidating’ (I don’t think I am but have been told this over and over). This then meant that I started being perceived as a bitch or w/e. I don’t care about this label and never once considered changing my personality to please people (especially not men lol).
Going back to my original point. My bf said that because of my ‘bitchy’ attitude he assumed that I would be very submissive in the bedroom. He said (I’m paraphrasing here) that he was convinced that I’m the type of girl who enjoys being ‘put in her place’. That I was simply craving a guy to dominate me.
The truth is that I’m dominant in the bedroom and enjoy being in control. I don’t mind acting submissive once in a while but dominating a guy turns me on infinitely more.
He said that the fact I’m *not* submissive takes away the ‘excitement’ of having sex with me because he feels like he’s not achieving anything. I asked him what he meant and he said that dominating a woman like me is way hotter when she’s submissive. I told him that it’s just not in my nature as a person and to achieve that I’d essentially have to pretend I’m sub. He said that this is exactly the reason sex with me is frustrating for him. I pointed out that he seems to hold some questionable, misogynistic views (ie “conquering” the bitch) that I’m concerned about.
Before we started hooking up we did discuss our kinks and he knew I’m dominant. So it’s not like this should be a surprise to him. Should I simply tell him to get over it or is this something we can work on?
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