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So I don’t know how to talk to anyone about this because it’s so personal and a very unique situation. I don’t want to make my loved ones hate him. Okay… with that said Reddit, here we go. My (ex?) boyfriend has a foot fetish. He and I have been together for over a year now. I am his first long term girlfriend and he was my first long term boyfriend. I always said (up until yesterday) that we had a very healthy relationship. The most healthy I have had. I had other relationships that were shorter and less serious, and one long term relationship with a girl, but he was honestly the first guy I have ever fully trusted.
When he first came to me about the fact he was attracted to feet, I was freaked out. I didn’t understand it. He also sprung it on me a little out of nowhere haha. However, I quickly came to understand and even felt… kind of into it? It was kind of hot. We both had extremely high sex drives and we would incorporate my feet into it quite a bit. Anything he wanted to do, I was open to – because I trusted, loved him and was attracted to him so fully. He was honestly the sweetest and most openly emotional guy I had ever met. He became my best friend.
The only problem was, he watches a lot of porn. He didn’t tell me this directly but I picked up on it from little things he said. As our relationship progressed, he slowly had a harder time finishing as well – despite being horny and initiating the sex. In my gut, I knew something was up. I tried to ask him if there was anything he wanted to tell me a few weeks ago in the nicest way I could. He said no.
Fast forward to last night. He didn’t come home from work. We live a couple hours apart but he is pretty… What some might call “clingy” – so despite that, we still are super close and I see him as often as we can. He calls me every night, as well as texting all throughout the day!! I love him so I have always just found it to be cute. He was texting me right before he was going to get off work and then he went home… or so I thought. I never heard from him when he got home and it was extremely unlike him. I thought maybe he had gotten in a car accident. I started to fear for the worst. I was panicking so much…. and you see, this is the worst part for me by far. I literally thought he might be dead. I was panicking only 2 hours after he was supposed to be home. I called a bunch by phone, and on Discord. I didn’t hear from him. His phone was on and wrang but with no response. I almost drove out that night. I decided to wait till morning. Morning came, still no reply. I call the police. They said there were no accidents matching that name. They referred me to highway patrol. They had heard nothing. I was fearing the worst. I fully trusted him and knew in my gut something happened. Turns out… my gut was right that something happened, but not that I could trust him.
I finally hear from him as I’m heading over and it turns out he had been arrested. He had been in jail overnight because after getting off work, he drove to a park, approached women that had been at a festival and asked them if he could see their feet. He apparently had watched videos of men interviewing women about their feet and had the idea. They called the cops on him (honestly, good for them) and he was arrested. I started crying so much, because throughout our relationship I had been nothing but understanding, openminded and just as horny as he is? There was no reason he should have gone to anyone else for that. Anything he was interested in doing, I had been down for prior to this. I’m a reasonably beautiful, in shape, smart girl with a good sense of humor. We had similar interests. We both game. We like the same music. We always have a lot to talk about. There was no reason to seek out anybody else, right? I was a good girlfriend, and I know that. When he told me what he did, he swore he had never done anything else like this, but I struggle to trust or believe him now. He said it was just a dumb impulsive decision and that he was gonna feel awful and end up fessing up to me even if he hadn’t been arrested – but how can I know that? He has been begging with me telling me how much I mean to him, and confessed that he has realized he has a porn addiction – that this was the eye opener for him and how badly he wants to change… but how can I know that he will? How do I know he won’t relapse? He told me he hadn’t come to me earlier about his porn addiction only because he was embarrassed and ashamed, but I don’t understand because I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me recently and he said no. I’ve been trying to get him to admit that to me without directly asking because of exactly that – I didn’t want to embarrass him! He was not as worried about my feelings as I was his. After he told me everything, I watched some of these “feet interviews” where men approach girls and ask them about their feet, and they don’t touch the girls feet (as he said he also was not going to) but it still makes me uncomfortable that he was seeking out other women for attention, and in the most mundane of public places. I also feel bad for the girls he approached, because I, too, would have been uncomfortable if a random guy approached me like that. Guys with a foot fetish, what are your thoughts on my story? Can he change? Can a porn addiction go away if someone is willing to work hard on it? He says he really loves me and I’m the only person he wants to be with, but I just don’t know. My trust feels so violated and I’m so deeply and incredibly hurt.
Edit; I gave an update further down in the replies.
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