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Me (20F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for nearly a year and live together. At the beginning of our relationship, our drives matched (honeymoon period I guess) and my boyfriend initiated sex 1-2x a day. He used to have passion for me, and really wanted me. He would have me anywhere, anytime, and made me feel wanted.
I never expected this to last, but I didn’t expect such a dramatic decline as what I’m experiencing. I now initiate every time, and nine times out of ten get rejected. I get told that he’s not in the mood, or too tired, or not feeling good about himself. I completely understand this and always reassure him that it’s okay, but the constant rejection is really starting to affect my self esteem. I’m young, slim, attractive (without sounding big headed) – I don’t feel like there’s anything physically wrong with me, but I’ve never felt so unattractive.
I feel as though I put in a lot of effort and don’t get much back. Every day I make an effort for him, in the way I look and behave, but everything feels as though it’s on his terms at the minute. He has told me that it’s nothing to do with me, and my attractiveness, and I do believe him. But he has said that he “doesn’t understand” why I’m upset, and that he wishes I didn’t even think of sex so I wouldn’t come on to him. Even though he says it’s nothing to do with me, this has still really affected me.
I have fulfilled every desire and every request he has asked of me sexually. I just want him to want me again. I want the passion and the intimacy back. I just don’t know what to do. To make matters worse, I found out today that he is still masturbating. Obviously, I don’t care if he masturbates or not but the fact he is choosing it over me regularly does sting.
I think I should also say that he is my first long term boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him. He is a lot of my firsts. Sometimes I get concerned I may be naive about this whole thing because I don’t have much experience with other people.
I’m just really tired of feeling like this. Of being unwanted, neglected, underappreciated. Sometimes I think rejecting him back (I never have) might work, but that seems childish. I have spoken to him about this on many occasions but he says it’s just how he is and he can’t change. How do I fix this?
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