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i’m 20F, he’s 19M, we give each other oral frequently. we haven’t had penetrative sex yet, and i am always very understanding and respectful of his boundaries when it comes to that. he’s a virgin, and he has a hard time keeping it up when things escalate to PIV. when we’ve talked about it in the past, he told me that it’s a performance anxiety thing, and he’s nervous he’s not going to be as good as the other men i’ve been with. i understand this is a common insecurity with men, and i stopped asking about it and was going to let him decide when he wanted to explore that more.
recently my sex drive has plummeted, and we haven’t been intimate for a few weeks. this seems to be really bothering him because he brings it up to me almost daily now and says that it makes him feel like i’m not attracted to him. i am fully understanding that everyone has sexual needs and desires and things like that, i don’t make him feel bad at all for wanting to be intimate. it’s just that i’m not in the mood, so i’m very transparent with him about that.
tonight we got into the conversation about intimacy again and he ended up telling me that whenever we try to have sex, he ends up thinking about how many guys i’ve been with and it turns him off, so he loses his erection. this really struck me like a gut punch. it makes me feel objectified. i’ve been very open with him about the fact that i was used for sex and that many of the people i’ve had sex with did not get my consent, but i let it happen in fear of being seriously hurt or bullied. i know it’s not his fault for being turned off but it rubs me so wrong and makes me feel really uncomfortable. i don’t know how to be intimate with him after this
tldr: my boyfriend gets turned off by the fact that i’ve had sex with a lot of people, and it makes me feel objectified. advice on how to move forward?
EDIT: stop being weird and horny in my messages, i’m reporting and blocking all unsolicited chat requests
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