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I’ve had some pretty nasty performance anxiety since I was a teenager as a result of the first girl I was going to sleep with starting to cry when she saw that I wasn’t immediately hard for her. Since then sex has been about 50/50 about whether I can get it up with my current girlfriend of a year. As a result things need to be lined up perfectly for me, which means things like shower sex and railing her over a counter (two things she loves) don’t often work out for me. I understand that this puts her in the position of needing to tend to what I like otherwise there is no sex.
I’m pretty confident in all other facets of my life and it’s by far the biggest source of stress/shame I hold. And the more I think and stress about it the worse it gets.
Last night we were going at it, I was eating her out which is something we both enjoy, but when it came down to it I couldn’t get it up. She is very understanding but I could tell she was a bit frustrated. Eventually she mentioned that she plans to buy a vibrator which we can use during sex, basically instead of my penis.
I know that this is very understandable and that she has needs as well, but I’ve honestly never felt more emasculated, and it’s all I can think about since then. I’m also worried this will make my performance anxiety even worse, as my failure to perform basically got me replaced. I don’t know what to think, and am looking for advice. Thank you if you read this far.
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