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I (33f) and my husband (32m) are in an open relationship. We’ve been together for 15 years. When I say open relationship, I mean that we are both free to have sex with other people, but we come home to each other, if that makes sense.
My husband has not had sex with other people. I have, many times. He always seems to enjoy watching, or hearing about it. Usually my flings are hookups at the local sex club, or off of Craigslist. One time, I had sex with my husband’s best friend while he watched.
At some point, I got sexually assaulted while at work. After that, I stopped with the hookups. Sex with my husband changed as well. He never seems to finish anymore. I don’t know if it’s health related (he’s gained a lot of weight over the years), or psychological. But it gets frustrating. At one point I asked him, and he said it was because I got assaulted, that he didn’t want to potentially cause me to be unsatisfied. I don’t know.
Anyways, after therapy, and frankly after months of not being touched, I want to try to hookup again. However, this time I wanted to hookup with someone I know a bit better. I just want someone to fuck who doesn’t treat me like an object.
I’ve talked with my husband, and he’s still okay with me having sex with other people. But now, he’s set a rule that he only wants me to have sex with either him or strangers. That if I go to the sex club, it’s either with him, or alone. I guess he knew there was a friend of mine I wanted to have sex with.
I’m kind of upset. This is new. And it feels unfair. It was okay for me to have sex with his friend, but not mine. It’s okay for me to go alone when I don’t have anyone to watch my back, rather than go with someone I trust? It’s okay to fuck random strangers because my husband gets off on it, but I don’t get to choose safe partners so I also get some benefit out of this open relationship?
I don’t know. I know he has a right to say boundaries. But am I wrong for feeling upset about this particular one, when it wasn’t an issue for him before, when it sexually benefitted him?
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