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Hi there,
Throwaway because it’s a bit too personal for my other account!
I am a 42f, happily married. I’ve had a bit of a journey getting here so I’ll try to keep it short to get to my questions..
I was born with a hymen that had to be surgically removed before I could have sex. I didn’t get that done until I was 25. In the meantime, I avoided intimacy because i was scared of penetration. I met my now husband after that, and it motivated me to address the vaginismus I had as a result of anxiety related to penetration. I also had a lot of difficulty relaxing and being in the moment. I wouldn’t let myself relax to even get adequately aroused for intercourse.
Fast forward now: I’m in a headspace where i have accepted that I deserve satisfaction too. I have been enjoying sex more and am aroused and actually wet ahead of intercourse. I have had fleeting moments of intense pleasure in the act that I want to recreate.
In my exploration, I thought maybe having an orgasm would help relax me before penetration. I finally (hurray! This was huge for me) had an orgasm with my husband and when we moved on to penetration, I was so tight it was less enjoyable than before!
I do tighten and release my pc muscles leading up to climax, with partner and solo.
So now I’m at a crossroads…do I just get warmed up ahead of penetration to better enjoy it, but not clench my muscles and not orgasm? After the fact if i don’t tighten my muscles during foreplay, intercourse, I could in theory orgasm if my partner helped me or if I use a vibrator after we finish.
Is it possible to orgasm through intercourse without tensing my muscles? It felt really good at one point during doggy, a few years ago, but he couldn’t last long enough to see it through. Or is it just a thing where it feels good but might not lead to climax?
I’d like to be totally open and enjoy penetration without any discomfort. That’s my goal because i like it, the idea of it and rawness of it.
If it just feels amazing, that would be enough. I’d be happy to bring a toy in but the moment I climax I’m done both clitoris and penetration, so it seems like I have to go last?
Any ideas on how to keep working through this?
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