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//Throwaway account
I have been together with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now, we used to be long distance so sex wasn’t always part of the relationship in a major way. However, the past year we have been exploring sex and intercourse. Early on in this process we discovered intercourse is incredibly painful for me, every time.
Due to it hurting so much, and a generally low sex drive, I haven’t been wanting to do it as much. But he starts frequent arguments with me telling me how hurt and unloved he feels that we don’t have sex often enough (usually 1-2 times a week most weeks). I’m just feeling pretty hopeless about it, I have resorted to just considering sex something I do for him, and I just bury my head in a pillow and disassociate throughout the experience.
It just makes me feel sad that he doesn’t seem to mind having intercourse with me when he knows how much it hurts me, most times after we do it I just cry in the bathroom for a while. I was previously in a sexually abusive relationship, and this is starting to worry me, it doesn’t feel like it’s getting any better.
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