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I (27F) slept with the guy (31M) I’ve been seeing two nights ago. It was our 8th date so we’ve already built up a pretty decent emotional connection.
The thing is, the sex was really, really awkward. It became clear really quickly that he does not have a ton of experience. Which neither do I (I’ve only slept with two other people), but I did just get out of a two year relationship which provided lots of opportunities to experiment and figure out how things work. He has only ever had one short-term girlfriend and it was long distance — I’m not sure how much sex he’s had outside of that.
We tried for a while but things just weren’t working. I think we were both feeling pretty uncomfortable and upset, and we finally called it quits. He expressed that he felt really bad, felt like it was his fault, that it wasn’t at all what he was hoping his first time with me would be like, that he felt like I didn’t enjoy it at all, and that ultimately he just felt super embarrassed. I told him he shouldn’t feel embarrassed and that I also was blaming myself and feeling anxious. We talked it out for a bit and ultimately agreed that the first time with a new partner can be awkward and it doesn’t have to be a huge deal. We then had an open conversation about what each of us likes and agreed we can work on it and it should be ok. Either way, I ended the whole thing feeling really anxious, and I told him that. I said I was afraid of being ghosted after sleeping together and he said he wouldn’t do that. We cuddled and talked the rest of the night and we went to bed late.
The next morning he drove me home and I tried to check in and make sure he was feeling ok about the night before but he said he’d rather not dwell on it because then he’d just feel bad about it for the whole day. I said ok and mentioned hanging out again sometime this weekend and he said sure and that he’d text me about doing something on Sunday. He dropped me off and then I did not hear from him for the rest of the day, which feels kind of crappy after having had sex with someone for the first time, regardless of how it went. We don’t text a TON but we usually do communicate on some level every day.
On the one hand, I don’t know what I expected to hear from him since we already talked everything out and I don’t expect him to send a “last night was fun” text lol. But I am a little hurt that even after I expressed my anxiety about being ghosted after sleeping together he couldn’t throw me a bone yesterday.
I’m feeling really upset and used right now but am not sure if I’m just catastrophizing. I don’t want to text him first for validation because I feel it would just be feeding into my anxious attachment pattern that I’m trying to break out of. Should I be so concerned that I didn’t hear from him at all the day after sex? I recognize he might need a little space because of how things went, but how long do I give him to recover from the awkwardness? Can guys typically get past that kind of thing?
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