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My bf (M21) and I (F20) have been dating for over a year and a half, and our sex life is great, he takes care of all of my needs, but there’s a little problem: we haven’t had PIV sex yet cause I’m a virgin and too scared.
A few months ago we decided to give it a try, we had condoms but unfortunately we didn’t have lube, and it was terrible. I was shaking so bad, he had made me cum once before we tried penetration but I got so dry even rubbing the tip against me hurt. We obviously couldn’t get it in and eventually gave up. I cried that night because it made me feel like I’ll never be able to satisfy him that way, although he never pressured me and I was the one asking him to try that day.
Ever since then my fear of my first time only worsened, we know that what we need to try again is lube but whenever we go somewhere where we could get it we don’t, it’s like an unspoken rule that we could try again but it’s like it’s not even on the table. He reassured me that he wants to do it but he wants to respect my pace, but I’m kinda getting obsessed with this because I feel like I’ll never be a “real woman” if I don’t try penetrative sex, which is bullshit obviously since sex isn’t just penetration and it definitely doesn’t make a woman, but I am a very insecure person and I always hear people talk about PIV like it’s the best thing, and I’m like, I’m 20 and I haven’t done it yet. Idk what to do, because I know that even if we end up getting lube, the moment we try again I’ll be too scared and it won’t work once again. He can’t even get two figers in without it hurting, how could his penis ever fit? I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you eventually overcome it?
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