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(F18) I’ve been with my boyfriend (18) for 3 months. From the start I talked to him about how I had some upsetting experiences with my previous male partners. While I was talking to him he pointed out how scared and distressed I was while recalling these events. He assured me he’s not like them. I believed him.
He knows how important to me consent is. He had pushed my boundaries a couple of times which led me to emphasize that when I say “no” he really needs to stop. I thought the previous instances were excusable, could be blamed to poor communication…
I spent the whole day with him, it was all I could ever wish for. We had had a few rounds of sexual intercourse in different ways when we decided to do anal (not the first time) with me receiving. Before we started I told him not to come inside me. We were doing it for quite some time and he had reached a fast steady pace. It got too much for me and I told him to stop expecting that he’d do so immediately. He said “I m sorry I can’t I’m about to come”. I asked him “can you not come inside me?” and his reply was just “I’ll try”. I’ll try? So he wasn’t stopping and he was going to violate the boundary that I had set… A few moments later I told him to stop for a second time and he kept going. I felt betrayed and pulled myself away from him.
Through this whole thing he seemed like he was completely unable to control himself. When I pulled myself away he seemed like he was about to lose it, I’ve never seen him like this before. He asked me very desperately to make him finish so I tried to with my hand. A minute or so after that he became his normal self again.
I was unable to speak. Not only had he completely disregarded all the conversations we’ve had, all the reassurance he’d given me by continuing the act, but also he immediately expected me to pleasure him while I was feeling in shock by his actions.
Immediately after he started thinking again he felt extremely guilty and probably said sorry like 30 times. I ended up consoling him bc of how sad he had gotten. Had to pretend everything was completely fine and repeated a million times that it wasn’t a big deal. He continued feeling upset saying that he knows how this is something that really bothers me. Also he said many times how he doesn’t want to do things I don’t enjoy, that he doesn’t want to lose me, that he always fucks things up.
I feel betrayed and vulnerable.
(If you go to my profile you can also read my previous post on the issue…)
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