I feel like I can’t have sex until I’m physically perfect and it’s weird

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I have never had sex and I absolutely cannot fathom having sex or anyone wanting to have sex with me unless I’m totally in shape at like Olympic athlete level, blemish free, well groomed; virtually all imperfections erased or changed. There’s a number of procedures I feel like I have to have before I can start having romantic/physical relationships.

I can’t imagine ever being able to have sex without being insecure unless I was physically as attractive as possible, and I’ve even jerked off multiple times to the idea/visualization of being perfect. Obviously “perfect” isn’t real or attainable and this whole mindset is like objectively stupid and ridiculous. I wouldn’t expect anyone I’m with to be perfect and I don’t have particularly high standards, but I feel like it would be my job to be as attractive as possible to give them a good experience. I have tried and failed to change this mindset for some time and I guess I just had to get it off my chest and see if anyone else has felt something similar. Feel like a freak and it’s just getting old

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