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15 years ago, when the MCU was taking its first baby steps towards box office domination, if someone had asked you to guess what the franchise would wind up bumping up against the most, you probably wouldn’t have said “Martin Scorsese.” But here we are, with the Goodfellas director widely accepted as the opposite of Marvel Studios. Scorsese dislikes Marvel with rapid-fire verbosity. He’s said that they’re more like theme parks than cinema, that they lack the complexity of character necessary to draw him in, and that his feelings are a matter of personal preference.
So let’s disregard that preference and imagine a world where, in the pursuit of winning the affections of an octogenarian auteur, the MCU starts putting out films tailor-made for the director of Shutter Island. Whether through more human characters, better-organized crime, or the digital revitalization of the Greatest Generation, we present five potential Marvel projects that might win Scorsese over.
1: Marvels
Back in 1994, when the most straightforward onscreen adaptation of a Marvel property was still a weekly serial about a guy getting angry and turning into a bigger guy covered in body paint, Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross released Marvels. Almost 30 years later, the four-issue miniseries is still one of the most unflinchingly honest looks at the world that Marvel Comics characters inhabit – warts, spandex, Galactus’s cosmic short pants, and all.
The story is told from the perspective of an everyman, coming of age in a world that’s rapidly spinning out of control. In a genre defined by bulletproof machismo and immortality, Marvels’ watchword is helplessness – at the sudden appearance of wing-footed, warlike Atlanteans, and men made of living flame, and, in equal part, at the fear-driven mob mentality that followed.
Remember the opening scene from Hawkeye, where Kate Bishop looks out at the wreckage of New York? Imagine going into that knowing that the Kate Bishop analog was never going to grow up to be a superhero. That they were going to lose an eye to falling rubble, and feel fear when they find a child who’s different from them in their basement. Marvels is a powerful story, driven by a dishearteningly human character surrounded by forces he can’t influence. Done right, it’s exactly the kind of story that Scorsese likes to tell.
2: An in-depth exploration of the Kingpin’s rise to power
Is Disney Plus ready for a bleak, no-holds-barred look at the dawn of a relentless gangster? For a period piece spanning decades, following the story of a patricidal behemoth, frightening enough to keep organized crime with roots across the globe dancing to his tune? More importantly, can we get Feige’s go-ahead to use the F word a whole bunch? If the answer is “yes, yes, and Kevin’s on vacation right now,” this would be right up Martin Scorsese’s alley.
The Wilson Fisk of the MCU is a man who grew up with a lot of advantages. For one thing, he gradually aged into being Vincent D’Onofrio, one of the most watchable actors of a generation. For another, he rose to power in a version of New York City that was – relative to today’s standard of living – practically superhero-free. He was practically a Scorsese character already, just living on the bones of an ancient dragon and a lot more open to beating up Catholics.
3: A 4-hour Avengers movie starring all of the characters in the MCU played by digitally de-aged guys in their 70s
Just imagine it: A Marvel team-up, probably set around the early 1970s. A young Hank Pym. A young Ego the Living Planet. Young Janet van Dyne, Nick Fury, Howard Stark, and Norman Osborne, each brimming with vim thanks to the power of digital de-aging technology. If we’re feeling extra ambitious, we can stick Robert Downey Jr.’s face on a toddler, Baby Colin from What We Do in the Shadows-style. There’s no wrong answer here, as long as the movie is four hours long and somehow still manages to be culturally mandated viewing at a point in history when nobody is allowed to hang out with each other. Yes, I’m still a little sore about The Irishman.
4: A special edition rerelease of Avengers where Tom Hiddleston is keyed out and replaced by Fran Lebowitz complaining about New York crosswalks
INT. RADIATION FACILITY FLOOR, NIGHT
HAWKEYE: I mean, the cube is a doorway, right? Doors open from both sides.
A FLASH OF LIGHT. THE TESSERACT GLOWS, SHAKES VIOLENTLY, AND EXPELS A PORTAL TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE. SLOWLY, INTENTIONALLY, 72-YEAR-OLD NEW YORK LITERARY ICON FRAN LEBOWITZ SHUFFLES THROUGH AND LOOKS AROUND, DISAPPROVINGLY, ADORNED IN ARMORED GREEN ROBES AND A HORNED HELMET OF GOLD.
FRAN LEBOWITZ: I’ll tell you what I’m worried about. I don’t think you made the room big enough. I mean, you have to keep a box the size of a grapefruit in here. Are you sure you put aside enough space?
NICK FURY: Sir, please put down the spear!
FRAN LEBOWITZ: Let me ask you something. How much does it cost to heat this place? What, are you hiding gold bars under that eyepatch?
5: A spiritual remake of The King of Comedy, but it’s based on Joker
You can lie to your friends, and I’ll lie to my friends, but if we’re being honest with each other, I didn’t have a fifth example. What do you think the odds are that we can get De Niro back for this one?
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– Armessa Movie News